Day 8 of 21
I have been sick for the past week and this weekend I took some time to sleep and rest but not without having to deal with issues. Satan is always trying to find ways to get in there and makes us doubt. I find that there are times when I am stronger against him than others but often times, fail and feel defeated. From day one to day five of this time of seeking, I have felt true contentment. My eyes have remained focused on truth and there has been peace in my heart from trusting God’s hand and not my own. Each day started with prayer and time in the word, which brought me comfort and confidence. Saturday morning, because I was in a hurry, I missed that time with God and was tested.
Here is one of the biggest things I have managed to learn in the past week. Satan is always looking for a moment of weakness. That doesn’t necessarily mean a moment when we’re down in the dumps and feeling weak but instead when we are at our most confident. That is when he strikes and oftentimes, strikes hard. Saturday morning my faith and confidence was shaken. Nothing traumatic actually happened. It was just the normal someone questioning what God was showing me. The problem arrived because I was unprepared. I was too confident. I had spent five days praying and in the word and felt strong. Though He was calling me to spend time with Him Saturday morning, I said “maybe later because I’m in a hurry”. Just the opportunity Satan was looking for and he pounced.
What came later that day was nothing short of pathetic. I spent the day in tears and feeling totally defeated. I began questioning everything God had confirmed to me over the week. I began to question His truth in my life. I began to question His sovereignty over my situation. I doubted again. Why do I allow this to happen? Here is one thing that I know and that is if I had just taken the time Saturday morning to pray and read I would not have been hit as hard. Though it was a crappy kind of day, God still spoke to me, even when I had my head under the covers and tears were streaming down my face. That is what a Father does. When He knows we’re hurting and scared, He is there loving us and wanting the best for us while reminding us of His truth.
Because of this three-week time of reflection, as you can imagine, I have encountered protest from some, mocking from others and those who just flat out don’t get it. As I lay in bed Saturday, God kept putting stories in my head, reminding me of all He had done for those who followed Him. He reminded me of Moses, Joshua, Noah and Abraham specifically. Out of those four, two were significant to me. Two of those stories left me thinking about what those two men experienced from those around them as they were dealing with what God was showing them.
The world will not always understand why we do what we do. Sometimes the choices we have to make in order to be obedient to God go against everything the world would say making us look foolish.
“Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. 6 The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. 7 The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. 8 Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God.”
“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. 2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
Yesterday in church, I was reminded yet again that my purpose, the reason I was created was soley for the purpose of glorifying God. He created me to bring Him alone honor and glory. My people pleasing nature struggles with that purpose as I seek to make everyone happy but I am learning that I am truly content when I am serving my purpose of glorifying Him alone.
When I woke up this morning, I had an encouraging email filled with some beautiful verses that reminded me of where I need to turn when I am dealing with my weak places….
“26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. 27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.
28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[i] have been called according to his purpose. 29 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. 30 And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.”
“31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?”
“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[k] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Amazing what God’s word can do for the soul. His grace is truly sufficient and when we come to Him, He restores our faith and makes us strong. Please continue to pray. I have two weeks left and all I have asked for is that those who read this blog to pray with me and for me. No decision has been made. It is just a time of allowing God to move and show His plan for me. I beg that you do the same. Pray. Don’t think! Just pray J