Grace Deficiency: Pointed fingers, upturned noses and a great big lack of grace

So imagine being told someone has no desire to meet your spouse.  Because of preconceived notions and judgments they have formulated in their own mind. The person who has most demonstrated God’s love to you, they do not want to meet. The dilemma I face brings much heartache.  But God is turning my dilemma into a great lesson.

I learned a lot about people over the course of a messy divorce.   I learned even more about the unending love and amazing grace God has for His children. For those who stand in judgment of others and refuse to accept them leads me to believe a grace deficiency exists.

I have come to realize when you struggle with sin, there will be those who stand casting stones.  They point their fingers and make their judgements neglecting to notice the plank in their own eye. The large plank leaves very little room for God to move.

So imagine standing in a room full of people.  You are  alone and weighed down by the struggles and sin that consume you.  As you look around the room, you try to make sense of a life gone wrong.  All around you are those who turn up their noses, pointing fingers while making assumptions of every wrong decision you have made. The loneliness consumes you.  Suddenly you look up and see a familiar face standing next to you.  You are flooded with confusion. Why?  Because it is Jesus and He is standing beside you.  You don’t understand.  You see, the room is full of people who have lived such good lives.  They do all the right things.  They say the right things. Their lives are full of good works. But Jesus is standing with you?  As if He hears the thoughts playing through your head, He speaks.

 

“Healthy people don’t need a doctor-sick people do.”

Then He adds,

“Now go and learn the meaning of this scripture: I want you to show mercy not offer sacrifices.  For I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners.”

 

Matthew 9:12-13

 

Tears stream down your face. There it is.  In a nutshell.  He is standing with you because you get it.  You know you are a sinner and you know you need His grace.

 

Sometimes those living a “blameless” life find it hard to understand how “others” can be used by God.  But the verse above makes it clear to me.  Jesus takes our greatest failures, our deepest regrets, our biggest heartaches and uses them to do amazing things.  When we seek His forgiveness in true repentance, He restores us.  Not only does He restore, He makes us shine brighter than we ever did before.  Why?  Because we get it.  We recognize that we are frail, weak and sinful. We know we can not live this life on our own.   Once held in bondage by rules and regulations, we missed walking with Him in an intimate way.  However we now understand what it means to fall flat on our face.  To feel the love of the Creator of the Universe as He picks us up and says, “My child I love you.”  The many times we have gotten it wrong and experienced His grace makes it impossible for us to turn our noses down at another.  Instead we see a world full of people just like us.  People who are hurting and broken, longing to be rescued.

 

Oh the longing to be rescued.  But that is exactly what He does.  He rescues.  He pulls us out of the miry clay and begins to mold and fashion us into something beautiful.  But we are not just beautiful.  The incredible thing is we are usable too.  Because we have been beaten and bruised by the ugliness of the world, we’re easier to shape into His likeness. We are easier to mold because we yearn to be like Him. We want to be transformed.   We long to share Him and everything He has done and given to us.  We can’t get enough.  We look at the world and see what He sees:  The hurt, the lonely, the struggling, the abandoned, the beaten, the betrayed, the orphaned, and our hearts overflow with love for them.  We see the world with His eyes.  Our hearts flow with compassion, mercy and grace for those who need hope, who need Him just like we did. And so, He uses us.   Because of His grace we are used to bring His Father glory and show His Father’s love to those who need rescuing.

 

As Christians, none of this is new information. Throughout scripture we find Jesus with the sinners.  With the sinners, the downtrodden and the lost.  He was with the ones who needed love and rescuing but most of all, needed Him. He avoided the ones who “followed” the rules. They had no place for Him in their lives because they did not get it.

 

The mission of Jesus: To rescue the wounded and broken and love the one’s cast aside by the world. That should be our mission too.  Not to turn up our noses at those who stumble and fall but instead to offer them the grace, mercy and love that Jesus offered to us.  Why? Because He offered it to us first.

Desire or Want and Receiving the absolute best!

Listening.  Wondering.  Is it God’s voice I hear or just a voice in my head?  Questioning the steps I’m taking, pondering the direction I am headed.  Am I where you would have me go?  

Over the course of the past four days I have had encounters with several different people.  People who in no way would have spoken to one another about me much less spoken about me and a particular verse.  

On the first day I ran into a friend at the grocery store.  As we were talking, a particular verse slipped from my lips as I was describing my life.  I was a little caught off guard as I spoke the verse as a normal sentence.  The second day as I was getting five kids ready for school, I was overwhelmed by a sense of the Holy Spirit and grabbed my notebook to write.  Suddenly the same verse flowed from my mouth and so I wrote it down.  Later that evening as I attended my weekly ladies bible study, as we watched part of the video series, the speaker spoke the verse.  A smile formed on my face as chills ran down my spine.  Not scary movies chills, but the kind you get when the Holy Spirit is showing you something.  Then to end it all, last night as I sat around with a group of teenagers listening to a pastor speak, he gave those teenagers the exact verse to read.  WHAT?  Oh yeah!  Ok God, I hear you.  I know it’s you.  I love these moments.

I am learning to listen.  Learning to be aware of those times when God is trying to speak to me through the goodness in my life.  He is always trying to teach me something new and I am more aware than ever when He does.  This time the passage repeatedly spoken was:

Trust in the Lord and do good.

Then you will live safely in the land and prosper.

Take delight in the Lord,

and He will give you your heart’s desires.

Psalm 37:3-4

Let me just say that in my younger years this passage meant something totally different than it does to me now.  When I was young I believed if I followed the rules, God would give me all the “things” I ever wanted.  Imagine my disappointment when I attempted to follow the rules, only to fail and never receive those “things” I thought I wanted.

Because of life and circumstances I have rediscovered these verses. They are not just things I have read about in a book. I have experienced the true meaning of this verse in my life and watched God fulfill His promise.   He has given me my heart’s desires.  What does that look like?  Something like this:  I used to think that “things” were what I needed to be happy.  I was lonely and sad constantly looking for the next “thing” to make me happy.  With each new “thing” I only became hungry for more “things” and in turn became more lonely and sadder.  It took a huge storm to awaken my soul to find what it was my heart truly desired.  There was a hole in my heart that needed to be filled.  I had spent years following a religion, leaving me to miss out on something much bigger.  Jesus.  

I have learned that when I follow Jesus, love Jesus,  find joy in Jesus, seek after Jesus, I am happy.  Not only happy, but my heart begins to want the things He has for me, not what I want for myself.  His desire, His plan, His best for my life become my greatest desires. It is in these things He has for me that I experience great joy.

I went through a heck of a mess over the course of several years.  But during that mess I didn’t lose faith in my God.  I trusted Him.  I didn’t worry.  Well sometimes I worried, but I knew in my heart, I could trust Him.  I did my best to love and forgive while following Him and on the other side, He blessed me.  My faith grew, my life changed and my heart began to desire the things He wanted for me.

I know there are those out there that doubt God.  Doubt His existence.  Doubt His promises.  But there is no doubt in my mind that He is real.  That all of His promises are true.  I have lived it out.  I have experienced the fullness of His presence in my life and the blessings that come from following Him.  When we choose to trust Him, He gives us more than we could ever dream possible because He knows what is the absolute best for us and waits patiently for us to accept His invitation to trust, follow so that we might receive.    

“My heart overflows with the abundance of Your love for me.

Joy fills my life as I walk daily in your will experiencing Your blessings in my life.

How can I love you more?  How can I give more of myself to You?  Show me Your ways.  Let me walk in Your ways that I might experience the overflowing abundant joy of You in my life.”

Love or Winning: Does it pay to be right all the time?

Why all the negativity? There is so much disrespect and lack of compassion toward others because of differences in beliefs, ideology and/or theology. I do not understand how those who profess to follow Jesus and profess love can be so hateful to others.   I read as people express an opinion on a topic or share their personal belief and are then mocked or disparaged by other “believers.” The image to the left paints a picture of what we see almost daily taking place on social media. I am bewildered by the action. How can one person profess love and Jesus yet disrespect, humiliate or hurt someone with different views or beliefs? How is that love or a reflection of Jesus?

As believers, we live in a constant state of battle in this world.  An ongoing war with an enemy whose only mission is to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10) and yet knowing this, believers succumb to his tactics every day. He seeks to divide, destroy, deceive, and distract. To cause devastation, disappointment, disagreements, disbelief, and discontentment. He discourages, promotes discrimination, dishonesty, disillusionment, and creates disorder.  He brings destruction. And yet even though believers know this, they participate in his work.

So how does this affect relationships around us? How does the work of the enemy impact us in a personal way as a follower of Jesus? What does following Jesus even look like?

We first start by acknowledging that following Jesus does not come without sacrifice. In the book of Luke, Jesus is speaking to a crowd, and He tells them, “if you want to be my disciple, you must, by comparison, hate everyone else-your father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters- yes even your own life. Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple” (Luke 14:26).

That is such a powerful yet hard statement. However, though hard to hear, Jesus is not saying that we are to hate people because that goes against His command to love everyone (Matthew 22:39). Instead, the point He is making is that no one else in the world should come before Him.  There is no other relationship on this earth more important than a relationship with Him. That our love, devotion, and commitment for Him should surpass every other relationship on this earth. Jesus said, “Do you think I have come to bring peace to the earth? No, I have come to divide people against each other! From now on families will be split apart, three in favor of me, and two against- or two in favor and three against. Father will be divided against son and son against father; mother against daughter and daughter against mother; and mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law” (Luke 12:51-53).

Now reading that you might think that His message is full of division. And in part it is.  It is to separate those who believe in Him from those who do not believe. Because the message He brought was not one of just love and hope but of holiness too. It was a message that points people to His Father. A message that speaks of love and forgiveness from sin.   He brought a message that is full of redemption and grace but it is a message that is not always easy and it is often rejected because of pride and selfishness. It is a message that can and will cause division. But His message is not a message that should bring disrespect and hate between people. That is the work of the enemy alone.

As followers of Jesus we will not always agree with or share the opinions of others. We each are responsible for allowing the Holy Spirit to work in our lives and to reveal truth. But that means individually seeking after truth by spending time in Truth. Spending time with the Holy Spirit. Not relying on someone to find truth for us.

It is not up to any individual to decide what opinion or belief is right or wrong for another person. We are no one’s Holy Spirit. We each are imperfect people and because of our imperfection will not always be right which means it is not our responsibility to force our opinion, belief, or conviction on someone else. That work belongs to the Holy Spirit.  We can, however, plant the seed or share a belief/opinion but only if it can be done with love and leaves room for the movement of God and the Holy Spirit to work in the lives of those around us just as He works in our own.

So for those, who profess to be believers, yet choose to share opinions and do so by choosing to ridicule or humiliate friends, family or strangers with a different view, please stop.   Our responsibility as believers, while here, is to love Jesus with the entirety of our being and to share Him with others.  We have been given a mission. We are to go and make disciples. We are to introduce those around us to Jesus. We are to care more about the many who will spend an eternity in hell without Him than making sure our opinion is heard.  And that cannot be accomplished by working so diligently to push people away with our haughty attitudes and far from being like Jesus behavior.  We are called to live by example and that should be seen in word and in deed.  Because truthfully, who wants to listen to someone who mocks others? Or disparages those they are called to love?  Who wants what that person has or to be like that person?  That is the furthest thing from Jesus.  So instead respect and love one another.

We all need work.  No one is perfect.   A display of love and grace instead of negativity and disrespect just might be what is needed to lead someone over to your own way of thinking.  Just something to think about….Maybe 🙂

Those with knowledge know when to be quiet,

and those with understanding know how to remain calm.

Proverbs 17:27

 

Have you seen a person who is wise in his own sight?

Know that there is more hope for a fool than for him.

Proverbs 26:12

You shall love-”Love the Eternal One your God with everything you have:  all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind – and love your neighbor as yourself.

Luke 10:27

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Does true love exist?  My thoughts shared here.

eHarmony, soul mates and fairy tale endings: Does true love exist?

You have captured my heart,

my treasure, my bride.

You hold it hostage with one glance of your eyes,

   with a single jewel of your necklace.

Your love delights me,

   my treasure, my bride.

Your love is better than wine,

   your perfume more fragrant than spices.

Your lips are as sweet as nectar, my bride.

Song of Solomon 4:9-11

 

I suppose I’ve never mentioned the fact that one of those dating sites “matched up” my husband and me.  A little back story.  I have known my husband for over twelve years.  In a previous life, our families were friends and they moved away.  Life happened, circumstances changed and we crossed paths once again.  In our former lives our commonalities were few except for our faith.  We spent more time arguing theology than we did having pleasant conversations.  Let’s just say that when he moved away, I didn’t cry.  Sorry if that sounds harsh.  We were different people back then.  Through a mess of circumstances we were reunited. We both had become very different people. He became a good friend to me during a dark time in my life.  One day he moved away again. (At my request.)  Having been through a terrible divorce, romantic relationships and men did not rank high on my list.  And so he honored my wishes and left.

 

With that said, I had a meddling teenager who sensed his mom needed to date.  Unbeknownst to me, he put together a profile on eHarmony for his dear old mom and set it loose.  UGH.  When the email came through I laughed with feelings full of fear. His thoughtfulness left me unsettled.   The day I logged into my profile I decided to give it a go and properly fill out the required information.  I answered the questions and hit submit.  In the beginning it was fun to see who I was compatible with and whether I agreed.  But knowing I was not into the dating scene I knew I needed not to waste anyone’s time. I did however mention to my now husband that he should sign up and answer the questions to see his matches.  Just for kicks.  So he did.  And guess what?  A match.  Not only did it match us up but it listed him as a “perfect match.” Total compatibility. Oh the irony.  Years earlier I didn’t have much in common with him and now, my perfect match?  Who would have thought?!  Could it be “true love?

People will argue against the true love, soul mate, fairy tale love kind of thing.  I know because I often made the argument.  I don’t claim to be an expert on love in any way whatsoever. I am however someone who has found the legalism within my “religion” to be full of frustrating untruths that affected my life in many negative ways.  As someone whose first marriage failed after fourteen years, I set out to find the truth about where it all went wrong.  With great hope that someday my children will not fall into the trap of legalism and settle for anything less than God’s absolute best, here are my thoughts.

 

 

Over the years, books and articles written by Christian writers debunking the myth of true love fell into my lap.  I read many and began to believe the words.  I found myself settled in a place without any expectation of love or honor.  I began to accept the writings on love as truth.   To me, they became frustrating lies.  Untruths leaving me empty and cold.  Becoming more cynical, I grew to accept that I did not deserve love without condition.  I did not deserve to be honored.  I did not deserve to be desired by someone. Feeling as if I did not matter I began to doubt God’s love.

 

 

Before I go any further, let me begin by saying I do not believe in the soulmate theory found in movies. The one defined as one perfect person in the universe for each person.  As beautiful as it plays out in movies, love is more complicated. However I do feel there are people out there who, pardon my phrase, “complete us.”   Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines soul mate as a close friend who completely understands you, a person who is specifically suited to another in temperament and a person who strongly resembles another in attitude or beliefs.  That definition has changed the perception I have of a soul mate.  Partly because I found a soul mate in my husband but I also have found a soul mate in my closest girl friend.  Both people ‘resemble me in attitude and belief” and are “close friends who completely understand me” making the idea of a soul mate very real to me.

 

My husband is my soul mate.  He is so much my other half that oftentimes I do not know how I survived the first thirty-six years of my life without him. I say that in jest but truly, walking through life with him makes everyday so much better and easier.  Because of him, to me, “true love” exists.  Now the existence of true love did not begin with my husband but instead because I found security and fulfillment  in my relationship with Christ.  Once I allowed Him, Jesus, the room to fill me up and take His rightful place in my life, my heart changed.  My heart was made ready to love the way in which God designed it to be loved and to love.  On December 1, 2012, I married my soul mate.  I married my “close friend who completely understands” me.

 

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

1 Corinthians 13:4

 

 

With that said, our marriage is not perfect.  Love is not perfect.  Love is work.  Daily work. (As seen in the above passage.) Love is a choice we make to live out each day. The love we share is not butterflies and roses.  We can argue with the best of them. We would not be human nor be experiencing real life if we did not disagree every once in a while.  Disagreements balance us out.  They keep us in check because it is those moments I realize what I have with him.  In the middle of an argument, I see or hear the hurt, and I want nothing more than to grab hold of him and not let go.  In those moments I see the man I absolutely adore and no longer care if I am right or wrong.   I know it sounds crazy but those moments come because of  his selfless love for me. He loves me like he is called to love me.  He loves me as Christ loves the church.  A selfless form of love. Outside of his relationship with Christ, there is nothing else he puts before me.  I am his priority in everything. My husband’s love for me  is perfect. However it is because of his love for the Lord that he loves me in this way.  His love for me is an overflow of his relationship with Christ.  For the first time in my life, because of my husband, I get a taste of how my Father in Heaven not only sees me but loves me too.  It is amazing.  It is a gift.  It is a blessing.  It is the truest form of romance.

 

Every day we work to make our marriage the absolute best it can be and sometimes we get it wrong.  Some days are harder than others but those hard days do not ever negate him as my “one true love.”  But there is another part of our equation, the most important part which is God.  He sits at the center of our relationship and our home.  He is the driving force behind all we do and the reason we love as we do. I believe that without His perfect love, true love does not exist.  He alone makes us complete and solely satisfies the need within us. It is because of God’s sovereignty, His plan, He gives us someone to walk life with and to love. When we make the choice to trust Him completely, He perfectly picks our “other half.”  He knows where we lack.  He knows the person that will be our compliment.  We just have to trust Him.    

 

There are a lot of cynical people out there with a legalistic view of marriage who will try to argue against true love and to those I say, I’m sorry.  I used to be one.   I too did not get it or have it the first time. I get told a lot now a days the marriage I have is rare.  I learned a hard lesson the first time around.  I know the difference between walking in my owns ways and walking in obedience.  I know the meaning of selfless love and self-serving love. I now know what it looks like to wait on God’s very best.  I would not have believed this kind of love, this type of marriage existed had God not been so loving and full of grace that He allowed me to find it this time around.  For me it has become living proof that when we walk in obedience with God, He truly blesses our lives.  It is fascinating to discover that God’s truth is real.  When things are lined up the way in which God has arranged them to be, everything falls into place.

 

So to my five precious babies, for those questioning love, or those patiently waiting for the “right one” my words are simple.  Be patient.  Don’t settle. Wait on God’s perfect one.  It is real and if you trust God with your heart and allow Him to lead, He will give you that someone to walk with you.  It won’t be all butterflies and roses because that is not real life. Love is work.  But you will discover that through the darkest of days, there is no one you would rather have beside you than the person God chose for you.

 

Originally published on All Things New.

 

 

Breakfast Burritos, dented doors and teenagers: The unspoken words

I’m sure you are familiar with the saying “Children should be seen and not heard.”  Bet you even know people who live by that motto.  As a child it made me cringe but now as a parent, it breaks my heart to hear.

Sitting in McDonald’s talking with my two teenage boys led to a plethora of insightful information.  Teenagers are good like that.  Spend any amount of time with them doing the things they enjoy (eating) and they will talk your ear off.

I have often heard people, parents, tell horror stories about raising teenagers.  I have spent years dreading these years but now that they are here, I LOVE IT!

Don’t get me wrong.  I miss the sweet cuddles and innocent conversations followed by a “mommy I love you” moment of the younger years but something about having teenagers brings adventure and mystery all at once.

I love having conversations with my kids.  I love hearing their hearts, their stories, their perspective on the things happening around them.  It is amazing.  I love that my kids are not afraid to talk to me.  For me, it’s important that they know that they can.  I guess being upfront about my reckless mistakes as a teenager has left the door open for honest conversation between us.

Oftentimes when I hear parents complain about their teenagers, I realize that a lot of their issues simply come from not listening.  Parents who, at the slightest voice raising of their child, choose to send them straight to their room might be missing something bigger. As a mom of five, I am learning the signals.  When temperatures rise and voices get loud, I know I need to step back and listen.  

I have five really great kids.  They range in age from 16 to seven.  Three are boys and two are girls.  Each with a different personality.  I have a 16 year old who is easy going, polite, gets great grades, can be a know it all but for the most part does what I tell him to do.  Then I have a fourteen year old who is artsy, life of the party, athletic and a little more of a rebel.  He challenges me.  Then the thirteen year old mini version of me.  Every time she opens her mouth, I hear me at that age. She is sassy, lively, dramatic, argumentative and full of life.  She challenges me even more.  Next, we have the energetic ten year old who is super intelligent, inquisitive, mischievous, funny and melts my heart with his smile.  He has not quite hit the challenging stage yet.  Last but not least, the baby,  the seven year old.  She is rotten but has stolen all of our hearts.  She is clever, funny and full of personality.  She is a people pleaser like her mommy, which is not necessarily a good thing, but keeps her out of trouble because she does not want to disappoint.  All five I love but each one has driven me crazy at some time or another.

As a mom, my job requires knowing and understanding each of them.  I need to understand the way they think and be aware of the happenings in their lives.  As a kid, it is not always easy to know when to speak or to know what is safe to share.  My kids need to know, they do have a voice and I will listen. To know that I care enough about what is important to them no matter what it involves.

In those moments when tensions rise, I need to be quiet and listen. I need to look for the bigger picture.  Those moments become my time to shine as a parent. Those are my moments to take a step back and evaluate my own parenting skills by hearing what they may not be saying.  What a great opportunity to be Jesus to by kids by extending grace, patience, and love.  

What I’ve learned is oftentimes there is more to the conversation then what is happening on the surface.  There is another underlying problem that my child is unsure how to express or even scared to share. I am learning that raising teenagers is not just about listening to the words said but to the words not being said as well.  Kids most definitely should be heard. They have important things to say. I have had some great conversations with my kids about real world problems (to them) because they are not afraid to tell me what they are really thinking.  Do I expect respect?  Absolutely!  Do they lack in this particular area at times?  Absolutely!  Have they made bad choices?  Of course! Does that make them difficult children? No way!

Just like my kids, I lack in so many areas of my own life.  I constantly fall short before the Lord.   The extent of grace God lavishes upon me daily, reminds me that my children deserve the same. 

The lessons taught through parenting: Parenting is not a right.  It is a privilege.  It also holds a lot of power. And as a wise man once said, with great power comes great responsibility.  I have the power to crush my children or to build them up. God has entrusted me to raise His children and extend the same grace and love that He extends to me on a daily basis.  I do not always get that right. I have had to ask the forgiveness of my children on more than one occasion as I have thrown my weight around making them feel less than they are.

Parenting is hard work but it is the most rewarding thing I have done so far in this life.  I look at my children and see hearts that need to be molded.  Hearts that need to be led.  Hearts that need to be taught God’s word. That will never happen if they do not see that I am listening. They won’t hear me if I do not value them just as Jesus does.  He sees them as precious and even Jesus took the time to listen to the children.  I have to do the same.

I am thankful for the challenges that come with being a mom.  Each challenge is slowly turning me into a better person.  I am learning to be patient when things seem out of control.  I am learning to be silent when listening is needed.  I am learning to love and extend grace in ways I never imagined.  So the next time you hear that tone in their voice that makes you want to react and correct, take a second and evaluate.  Maybe there is a bigger conversation waiting to be had.

Breakfast burritos, dented doors and teenagers: The bigger picture

I’m sure you are familiar with the saying “Children should be seen and not heard.”  Bet you even know people who live by that motto.  As a child it made me cringe but now as a parent, it breaks my heart to hear.

Sitting in McDonald’s talking with my two teenage boys led to a plethora of insightful information.  Teenagers are good like that.  Spend any amount of time with them doing the things they enjoy (eating) and they will talk your ear off.

 

I have often heard people, parents, tell horror stories about raising teenagers.  I have spent years dreading these years but now that they are here, I LOVE IT!  Don’t get me wrong.  I miss the sweet cuddles and innocent conversations followed by a “mommy I love you” moment of the younger years but something about having teenagers is fun.  I love having conversations with my kids.  I love hearing their hearts, their stories, their perspective on the things happening around them.  It is amazing.  I love that my kids are not afraid to talk to me.  For me it’s important that they know that they can.  I guess being upfront about my reckless mistakes as a teenager has left the door open for honest conversation between us.

 

Oftentimes when I hear parents complain about their teenagers, I realize that a lot of their issues simply come from not listening.  Parents who at the slightest voice raising of their child who choose to send them straight to their room might be missing something bigger.  As a mom of five, I am learning the signals.  When temperatures rise and voices get loud, I know I need to step back and listen.  

I have five really great kids.  They range in age from 16 to seven.  Three are boys and two are girls.  Each with a different personality.  I have a 16 year old who is easy going, polite, gets great grades and for the most part does what I tell him to do.  Then I have a fourteen year old who is artsy, life of the party, athletic and a little more of a rebel.  He challenges me.  Then the thirteen year old mini version of me.  Every time she opens her mouth, I hear me at that age. She is sassy, lively, dramatic, argumentative and full of life.  She challenges me even more.  Next, we have the energetic ten year old who is super intelligent, inquisitive, mischievous, funny and melts my heart with his smile.  He has not quite hit the challenging stage yet.  Last but not least, the baby,  the seven year old.  She is rotten but has stolen all of our hearts.  She is clever, funny and full of personality.  She is a people pleaser like her mommy, which is not necessarily a good thing, but keeps her out of trouble because she does not want to disappoint.  All five I love but each one has driven me crazy at some time or another.  As a mom, my job requires knowing and understanding each of them.  I need to understand the way they think and be aware of the happenings in their lives.  As a kid, it is not always easy to know when to speak or to know what is safe to share.  My kids need to know they do have a voice and I will listen. To know that I care enough about what is important to them no matter what it involves.

 

What I’ve learned is oftentimes there is more to the conversation then what is happening on the surface.  There is another underlying problem that my child is unsure how to express or even scared to share. I am learning that raising teenagers is not just about listening to the words said but to the words not being said as well.  Kids most definitely should be heard. They have important things to say. I have had some great conversations with my kids about real world problems (to them) because they are not afraid to tell me what they are really thinking.  Do I expect respect?  Absolutely!  Do they lack in this particular area at times?  Absolutely!  Does that make them difficult children? No way!

I lack in so many areas of my own life.  I fall short before the Lord daily.   In those moments when tensions rise, I need to be quiet and listen. I need to look for the bigger picture.  Those moments become my time to shine as a parent. Those are my moments to take a step back and evaluate my own parenting skills by hearing what they may not be saying.  What a great opportunity to be Jesus to by kids by extending grace, patience, and love.  

 

The lessons taught through parenting: Parenting is not a right.  It is a privilege.  It also holds a lot of power. And as a wise man once said, with great power comes great responsibility.  I have the power to crush my children or to build them up. God has entrusted me to raise His children and extend the same grace and love that He extends to me on a daily basis.  I do not always get that right. I have had to ask the forgiveness of my children on more than one occasion as I have thrown my weight around making them feel less than they are.

 

Parenting is hard work but it is the most rewarding thing I have done so far in this life.  I look at my children and see hearts that need to be molded.  Hearts that need to be led.  Hearts that need to be taught God’s word. That will never happen if they do not see that I am listening. They won’t hear me if I do not value them just as Jesus does.  He sees them as precious and even Jesus took the time to listen to the children.  I have to do the same.

 

I am thankful for the challenges that come with being a mom.  Each challenge is slowly turning me into a better person.  I am learning to be patient when things seem out of control.  I am learning to be silent when listening is needed.  I am learning to love and extend grace in ways I never imagined.  So the next time you hear that tone in their voice that makes you want to react and correct, take a second and evaluate.  Maybe there is a bigger conversation waiting to be had.

From point A to point B: The tightrope effect

“God’s will is not like a tightrope.”  Those words said by my pastor caught my attention.  No they grabbed my attention.  My eyes and ears focused on him.  The words that followed drew me in and met me right where I needed.

 

Trying to decipher God’s will has left me confused more times than not.  Bringing God glory is my purpose but is there a plan as well?  A road map I am to follow?  Specific things He wants me to do?  A way in which He wants to use me?  If so, I have screwed it up.   I want nothing more than to bring Him glory.  I crave it with the entirety of my being.  But sometimes, for the life of me, I cannot figure out what it entails.

 

Looking back over the last five years I have confidence God is going to use my battles for something.  Visions.  I have visions of things to come.  I know that may sound weird or freaky to those who are reading this but I have them. God gives me these small glimpse of something He has for me.  Just enough to keep me focused on the road ahead.  I am restless.  I know He has something out there for me and I am ready to move ahead and do whatever, and I mean WHATEVER, He wants me to do.  But what?  I ask.  I pray.  I continue to wait.

 

I know waiting.  I have experienced waiting over the last five years.  I know what it means to want something so much you can taste it but having to wait until the perfect moment for it to be yours. That moment when you’re ready to receive it and He places it in your hands. The moment the waiting ends. I’ve been there. So waiting, I get.

 

Back to God’s will.  Tears flood my eyes as I envision the tight rope.  As I heard those words spoken a humongous weight fell off my shoulders.  There are days when I realize that I am still held prisoner by the chains of legalism.  Too many years spent chained to a religion has made it hard to grasp parts of the Bible. It has made it difficult to understand God.  For me, divorce has left me struggling to walk the tightrope of God’s will and feeling defeated every day.  So the realization that God’s will consists of more than walking “from point A to point B” is overwhelming.  My pastor said God’s will is like a freeway.  There are different lanes, choices along the way. Good and bad choices.  Yes poor choices lead us in the wrong direction but they do not negate us from being in God’s will altogether. Do you understand how freeing that is?

 

Romans 11:36 says, “For all that exists originates in Him, comes through Him, and is moving toward HIm; so give Him the glory forever. Amen.”  What do I take away from that verse?  I am God’s creation.  He created me for His glory.  My purpose in this life is to bring Him glory through the life I live.  To me, it means that in every choice I make, I need to seek after Him.  Follow HIm. When I have a choice to make, I turn to Him and choosing to follow Him in obedience brings Him glory.  Yes I will fall.  Yes I will make wrong turns.  But He will redirect my steps when I seek and ask for direction.  Was God’s plan for me to end up divorced?  NO.  I am fully aware God’s hand was not in my divorce. However God’s hand was on me as I trudged through the battle and trusted Him throughout everything I experienced.  He was there.  He is still here.  It was through those battles that I recognized His voice for the first time.  Experienced His presence.  It was in the loneliness of being cast aside by friends and family that I found Him.  Though my marriage was ending, my relationship with Jesus did not.  Instead it became more real.  More intimate.  I craved Him because I was desperate to hear His voice and sense His presence and He made Himself known.  Something else my pastor said that I love, “You will never accidentally hear God’s voice.”  That is so true.  In the midst of pain and the darkness of battle, His presence is not an accident.  It is in those moments you are searching for Him.  Searching through scripture, through music looking for Him to give you wisdom and direction and that is when it happens.   It is when you are in the trenches of a fierce battle and become so desperate for His help that you recognize His voice above the noise.You realize that you cannot take another step on your own and you call out to Him and He answers. You fall into His arms.  And you know what?  He catches you.  He catches and grabs a hold of you.  You finally recognize His voice and experience His peace.  The noise of the world falls away and you hear Him call your name.  And you know He has you.  He has your situation and is there.  Everything changes.

 

Freedom in Christ is something I am experiencing and understanding more and more each day I follow Him.  His grace is enormous. It is more than I can comprehend.  But so is His will for my life.  His plan.  He has given me this life.  He allows me new breath every day. With it,  I am to live a life that aligns with His character which brings Him glory.  My mind is blown.  I am overwhelmed with the idea that my entire life is not ruined (For God’s purpose)  by one wrong turn

 

So now God I am ready.  I have been restless for so long.  But now  I understand. SO many feelings of unworthiness from not walking the tightrope perfectly.  Thinking I had to DO something to get back into your good graces. So misled by the enemy.  Distracted by so much untruth.  But I get it.  I asked and you answered. Oh how  I crave You.  I crave to live my life for You.  Here I am.  I am ready.  Tell me where to go.

You may be reading this and wondering what in the world?  Where is she going with this post?  If you are, this post isn’t for you.  This post is for those who have been where I have been.  This is for those who have made those wrong turns and been left to feel that God no longer has a place or purpose for you in His plan.  His will is not a tightrope.  He can take those wrong turns, those falls, those horrible choices and restore what has been broken.  Your messed up story is His opportunity to make you shine as His grace covers your broken pieces.  Just ask.