Desires, Dreams And Disappointments

A year ago Matthew and I decided to turn off phones, and put away social media for an entire month. We decided to totally focus on nothing but God, our marriage and working to restore what had been broken. Ephesians 3:20 was the verse God gave us as we were choosing to place our trust in Him and that He could do far more than we were able to ask or think of Him. It was a difficult time. A difficult 30 days. We had people who didn’t understand what we were doing and we had those who totally supported us, who prayed with us, who sent scripture or prayers.  It was a battle but it was a time where our faith (and our marriage) was tested.

It’s been a year since that challenge and I would like to say that everything is better…but they are not. There have been many disappointments but there have also been a lot of happy moments.

That month taught me a lot about my marriage, about myself, and about the people we surround ourselves with. A year later we are still working through challenges. Right now we are, much like last year, are working to trust God through the unknowns. And right now we’re doing a study and going through a book together which is supposed to draw us closer to God which then draws us closer to one another. It hasn’t been easy. I often feel like giving up, but as usual, God shows up.  

Today’s reading in our devotional is from Psalm 37:4-5. It talks about delighting yourself in God and God giving you the desires of your heart. These past two years have been incredibly difficult. My hearts desire has been to have my husband back. To wish away an accident that feels as if it took him from me. To undo the hurt and damage that it has caused.  But I’m slowly realizing that maybe God has something different in store.  
“What does it mean to “delight yourself in the Lord?” How exactly will “He give you the desires of your heart?” The first part is more intuitive: delighting in the Lord simply means loving Him more than anything or anyone. The second question isn’t as easy to answer, but let’s try. 

When we delight ourselves in God, He occupies His correct place in our lives as King, Savior, and Provider. Absolutely nothing matters more than He does, and when that’s the case, we only want what God wants. His sovereign desires overtake our fleshly desires- they’re instilled deep in our hearts and radiate outward into tangible action. God’s act of giving us the desires of our hearts involves Him graciously redefining what we care about as He transforms our hearts from the inside out. Then, as our will aligns with His will, our desires are fulfilled. 

Pursuing the dreams and desires God has placed in your heart as a married couple can be a beautiful journey of learning how to trust God. When we rest in the knowledge that He is more than able to do far more than we ask or think (Ephesians 3:20) our vision is big but our burden is light. He will never disappoint. We need only stay the course and walk and live securely in Him, all the while trusting in His divine plan more than our own.” 
-Selena Frederick
Wife in Pursuit
This time last year I was praying and asking God to teach me how to know Him in a new way. To trust Him to do things that I never thought possible. To become my everything. And this morning as I read from the (excerpt) devotion above, my heart was convicted all over again.  
Sometimes God allows bad things to happen so that we can find and experience Him in ways that we never thought possible. That in our brokenheartedness we get to know Him in ways we never thought possible.  It’s also the realization that sometimes we don’t realize how much we need Him until we have been broken or crushed.  But God knows. He knows just what we need, and even though it might hurt, He’s willing to allow what needs to be done in order for us to truly have the desires of our heart.

Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires. 

– Psalm 37:4

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. 

– Psalm 34:18

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