Priorities

“A Woman’s heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her.”

I’ve always thought that was a powerful statement. That in order for any man to find a woman that he should have to seek out God before he can find her. It’s one of those things that I can’t express loud enough to my single friends and daughters. But as incredible as that statement is, it shouldn’t stop there.

It’s easy to see that statement and think about what it looks like before we get married. That in order to find the man we’re supposed to marry that our walk with Jesus should be solid. And it should be. But we married women need that reminder too because that statement should follow us throughout the entirety of our lives. Even once we are married. Because once we’re married we shouldn’t give up on our pursuit of God. He should still be our number one priority. We should be so in love with God that it draws our husbands to Him. We should be so in love with Jesus and spending time with Him that our husbands can’t find us unless they’re sitting with Him too.

It’s easy in marriage to become cynical. It’s even easier to become bitter and resentful after years of unmet expectations and disappointments. It’s easy to cling to hurt and focus on what we don’t have. We women are amazing at doing that! But when we focus on our Creator those things sort of wash away as we take our eyes off our circumstances and look at the One who gave us our spouse to begin with. We can’t go wrong when we’re focused on the right things. Our heart won’t grow cold when our heart is full of love for our Creator.

If you’re struggling in your marriage today, if the love you once shared has run cold and you’re just ready to give up…don’t look in any other direction but up. Go to the source, the One who brought you together to begin with. Focus on God’s love for you and allow Him to place His hand upon your heart and as His love fills you up it will pour out of you and into your spouse. Because the more we pursue God, the more our love and affection for Him trumps all others and the more things in our life will start to make sense leaving us more fulfilled and content.

Those are big words and big steps to take if you haven’t already been living that way. Trust me. I know. It has taken a lot of painstakingly new habits and daily reminders to focus on the things above as a way to remind me to turn my eyes in the direction of the cross. But on the days that I remember to do those things life is different. My day is different. My attitude is different. My heart is different. My reactions are different. The way I love is different.

When we pursue Jesus with all of our heart and allow the Spirit to move within us…everything changes. So be that woman. Be that woman that chases after God so hard that the only way her husband will ever find her is through his own pursuit of God.

When Darkness Comes

When the curtain of darkness surrounds you, almost swallows you whole, where do you go? What do you do?

I find myself there more times than I care to admit. The smothering sensation that will leave me gasping for breath and wishing for the day to end falls. It falls heavily and quickly, and the strength needed to escape doesn’t come as easily as I would wish. But in those moments, I have two choices: I can fade into the background and allow the darkness to consume me or I can extend my hand and reach out for the One who is wanting mine.

Darkness is a funny thing. It can be scary and comforting all at the same time.

Darkness can usher in fear through the unknown. Leave us questioning what we’ll find lurking around the corner. Too scared to look under the bed? Me too. The unknown is a cold and lonely place.

But that same darkness can also bring a sense of comfort as we choose to bunker down and wallow in our doubts and fears. Choosing to stay resolute in a posture of defeat.  Oftentimes that feels easier. But it’s not. Because the longer we stay there, in that darkness, the longer it will take to find a way out.

The battle out is hard. Fighting takes a lot of strength, courage, and stamina. But I’ve learned that we don’t fight alone. We haven’t been left alone to fight these battles. Jesus came, He conquered, and He won the victory. But victory doesn’t mean that there won’t be pain or disappointment. We have to weather through the hard in order to reach the victory.

You can be certain that the enemy is watching and waiting to pounce. Looking to destroy and add to the darkness. You have to be prepared for the frustration when the disappointments abound. Aware of the anger that grows when it feels like God isn’t hearing your prayers or doing something to remedy the pain. Because it happens. We question His goodness. We question His presence. Sometimes we even find ourselves sitting in the middle of the bathroom floor crying out to Him in anger because we’re tired. Tired of feeling ignored. And when we’re feeling hurt or disappointed it’s easy to lose sight of Him. In the middle of the chaos and pain, it’s easy to miss the sound of His voice. And we can get even more lost in the darkness.

But He’s there and He’s listening. He’s fully aware of what is happening and why. And if we’re paying attention and listening, He makes His presence known. Whether it’s through a friend or a book or a passage of scripture. In that moment, He finds us where we are, and He speaks exactly what our hearts need to hear but we must be listening. Willing to hear what’s not always easy to hear.

So we must be still. If we want the victory, we must be still and listen to His voice.

The enemy wants that victory. But if we just hold on and fight then we begin to see the rewards that come from being faithful to that which we believe. We begin to experience the victory that Jesus says we have. When we wage war in the valley, we eventually hit those mountain tops where God reveals His splendor and faithfulness in ways that take our breath away.

So we mustn’t give up! Giving up will just leave us empty and searching for something else to fill the emptiness. Instead, we must fight because fighting ignites a fire within us that allows us to see a bigger purpose for ourselves, and for all that God is doing in our lives. It allows God to shine through us. It offers people hope where they will find encouragement through our struggle and in our stories. Our battle can help others find victory and strength in their darkness. So don’t be afraid of the battle. And most importantly…. don’t be afraid of your story! Use to inspire others to continue fighting! Because it’s worth it! Because victory is just around the corner!

“But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

John 16:33

The Sideline Shuffle

I came home from work a few months ago to find this little guy in front of our house.  As I walked up, his tiny head turned, and we locked eyes. The second I saw him, my heart hurt. It felt like it was 110 degrees out and the sun was beating down on his little body. I had no idea where he came from. No nest in sight, panic washed over me. Tears filled my eyes. My mama heart took over.

Yes. Yes. I know. It is a bird. But all I could see was this helpless little creature who looked lost and scared.  As I shifted my position to look at him closer, his eyes followed me.  He didn’t look scared.  It is like he wanted me to rescue him. Wherever I moved, his little neck turned. I knew he was young. He still had those sweet soft fluffy feathers. I wondered if he was hungry. I’m sure he was thirsty. I didn’t know what to do. But I knew I couldn’t leave him there.

At this point my husband had joined me to see what I had found. He too looked for a nest of some sort but saw nothing. It was landscaping day so I knew the guys had been through the area with the leaf blower and might have quite possibly blown this little guy right out of his nest.

We decided to walk into the house and watch from the front door to see what might happen next.  And when we moved, he moved. He hopped his little body right toward the front door.  His little mouth was open wide as he began to cry.  I thought I was going to burst into tears. The mama in me couldn’t stand it.

At this point, my husband had begun googling what to do with a lost baby bird and he discovered we had come across a fledgling. This was a not a baby bird in distress, but instead one that was learning its way. The article my husband found suggested that the mother was most likely close by watching her young one, making sure it was okay. But she did so from a distance. I was fascinated. I watched longer as he began to hop and attempt to flap his tiny little wings all while crying out for help.  

As he hopped, he headed for the direction of the bushes and this time when he flapped his wings, he gained a bit of air and landed himself on a branch in the bush. Finally, I felt better and was able to give him the room he needed to do his thing.

Over the course of the last week, I have thought quite a bit about that little fledgling.  How much my heart hurt watching this little bird try to figure out its next move and not knowing what waited ahead for it. It made me think about my children.

Watching your kid struggle is never an easy thing. Especially if they have placed people in their life who add to their struggle.

Four of my five children are adults. They don’t need mom anymore to prepare their meals or do their laundry or keep them safe.  They are on their own and much like that fledging, they are navigating the world around them as I sit in the background and watch from a distance.  I don’t get to pick what they eat, who they choose to allow into their lives or what activities they participate in.  Instead, I watch. I attempt now and again to offer advice or direction when asked, but I know, the only way they will truly figure things out is to let them make mistakes and live out the consequences of those mistakes.

Parenting is hard. But as parents we must know when to let go and allow them to navigate their journey.  And as badly as we want to intervene and overstep, we can’t. Taking a seat on the sidelines and doing what I like to call the Sideline Shuffle all while letting them find their way is the most selfless and loving action we can take. Even when it’s hard.

About 18 years ago, my youngest son became very ill while we were on vacation. He had a very high fever and his breathing had become labored. We found our way to the nearest urgent care where we were told we needed to get him to a hospital.  As I sat in the back seat with my less than a year-old baby, I held him close.  The entire way I prayed.  I thanked God for allowing me to be his mom and that no matter what happened next, I knew my child belonged to God and that He loved my child far more than I could comprehend. I knew God’s plans were greater than my own and that He was in control.  I trusted Him.  But at the same time, I was afraid of what might happen to my little one.  But God.

As parents, we must recognize that our children do not belong to us.  They are His.  He gives them to us for such a short time and our mission is to point them towards truth and to Jesus. To teach them Who should be first in their life. To encourage them to turn from the things of the world that would distract them from following Jesus. To not encourage them to worship idols or material things. We have only been given a few short years before we must push them out of the nest and let them learn to fly. 

Over the last few weeks, I have been able to share this story with a few of my friends who have littles still at home. The wonder and fear that fills their eyes when I say, “those babies don’t belong to you” always makes me smile just a little bit. The moment that realization sinks in becomes a moment that will forever change your perspective and parenting strategy and will forever change the course of not only how you see your children, but the way in which you see your Abba Daddy!

Pushing them out of that nest is a scary move but sending them on their way without Jesus is far scarier. Be confident!  God has them and He loves them!  He’s watching and waiting to catch them! And His love and His provision for their lives is far more than anything we can ever give!